Monday, January 5, 2009

The George Bush of London Town




Back to routine today, and in the lull after the season's festivities I am casting about for blog topics. So, I've settled for writing about an iconic character on the London scene: our esteemed mayor, Boris Johnson.

I have a lot of faith in the intelligence and discernment of Londoners. We are a diverse population, from all corners of the globe, and one of the most cosmopolitan cities in the world. My belief was shaken, however, when Boris Johnson was voted in as Mayor of London. (I'm not saying Ken Livingstone was much better -- but still!)

You only have to read a few sentences of his blog to think how bizarre it is that this blond-haired fop is the mayor of such an influential city. Here's a sample:

OK, folks, it’s Christmas Eve eve, and the question is whether I can get away with it. There they are on the top of the fridge, a great glistening phalanx of glass pots. Inside those pots is a gibbering radioactive brown mulch, and you know what I intend to do with that nameless gunk?

Do we care, Boris? You're the Mayor of London. How about doing something about the economic depression hitting our streets?

Maybe I'm being a bit unfair here. To be honest, I don't follow mayoral politics all that closely, so he might be doing something very important. But it's hard to believe he is capable of strategic moves when he's uttered such nonsense in the past. Here are some gems:

From his New Year's 2009 Speech:

"I want to quote Colonel Kilgore in Apocalypse Now when he says 'Someday captain, this war is going to end', and someday, this recession is going to end.


Other generic quotes:
'To rely on a train in Blair’s Britain is to engage in a crapshoot with the devil.'

'My chances of being PM are about as good as the chances of finding Elvis on Mars, or my being reincarnated as an olive.'

'My friends, as I have discovered myself, there are no disasters, only opportunities. And, indeed, opportunities for fresh disasters. '

'It is just flipping unbelievable. He is a mixture of Harry Houdini and a greased piglet. He is barely human in his elusiveness. Nailing Blair is like trying to pin jelly to a wall.'

'What’s my view on drugs? I’ve forgotten my view on drugs.'

On Jamie Oliver's School Dinners Initiative:
'I say let people eat what they like. Why shouldn't they push pies through the railings?'

Boris, Boris, Boris. At the very least, please comb your hair.

7 comments:

acpaul said...

He sounds as bad as the politicians we got here in AZ. At least he speaks better than our good ol' boys.

Marsha said...

I bet they have better hair in AZ though!

Mike said...

At this rate of hair Russell Brand will be mayor in no time.

Anonymous said...

Very funny. I quite like Boris, but this was an entertaining read.

Elle said...

Awww - Boris is great! At least he says what he thinks (often quite hilariously) and isn't just some scripted PR puppet!

KimB said...

I thought it was a wig! That hair is seriously real?!

Marsha said...

Sadly not a wig! It's real! And yes, at least Boris is good for entertainment value. What you see is what you get. I think...