Tuesday, February 23, 2010

All About Me (and the Green-Eyed Monster)

I admit it. I get jealous when I hear other writers have struck publishing deals, that their debut novels are gracing the bestseller lists, that they managed to get the killer agent I've been coveting. Yes, I get very, very jealous.

I'm happy for them, of course. It's confirmation that with a good novel, anything is possible. But inside my head, a little voice is bleating: why can't that be meeeeee?

Rationally, I know there are zillions of reasons why it isn't me. I haven't written the right novel yet; my story-crafting needs work. I do think that one day I will get my fiction published -- hopefully sooner rather than later. But that doesn't stop the monster gnawing away inside of me.

It's times like this that I think back to my days as a competitive sprinter. I used to run the 100m and 200m, and I could -- and would -- obsess for hours about 'being the best'. Once I was the best, I'd worry about who was up-and-coming, who might knock me off my number one position. And that was when my coach would remind me that worrying about other people is a waste of time. We can't control the actions of others. But we can control ourselves.

All I can do is write the best that I can, and let the chips fall where they may!


Meg said...

I'm always insanely jealous, too, especially when I see folks on Twitter writing about snagging an agent or their first book coming out! But I remember that someday that will be me, too, and I'll want others to feel happy for me.

And think of what you've already accomplished -- I have a copy of 24 Hours London in my bookcase right now! :) We'll get there!

KarenG said...

Haha Marsha, who can't identify with this? Anyone who says they're not jealous is lying. When I finished my first novel, and had rejections from all the regional Utah publishers, I was so jealous that I could no longer frequent libraries or bookstores. Because these people all had books published, and I didn't.

and btw, there's probably lots of writers jealous of you at this moment!

Marsha Moore said...

Thanks, Meg and Karen! It's so nice to hear that I'm not the only jealous one! And I do feel really lucky (and happy!) to have my non-fiction published. I just really, really want to get my fiction published!

Fingers crossed for all of us still trying. I promise not to be jealous for either of you with your future successes (well, not tooooo jealous, anyway!)

Ann said...

Oh I thought I was the only one, battling that Green-Eyed Monster and I am not anyway near as accomplished as you. Green Eyes focused in your direction! LOL.

It is reassuring to know I am amongst such wonderful company.

Nancy J. Parra said...

I think it is the curse of being a writer-lol. I use it to keep motivated to work on craft and story. Welcome to the club and I know your fiction will be on shelves soon and we'll all be jealous of you. :)

Elle said...

I feel that twinge of envy sometimes, too. But seriously, you'll do it - keep writing! I'm sure your story will be fab.

(Oh, and I've just given you two blog awards over at my blog.)

Marsha Moore said...

Thanks for the encouragement, everyone! :)

Theresa Milstein said...

Now I see that even when I land an agent, get a publishing contract, and get a book out, if it's not a best-seller, I'll still be aiming higher.

I wrote a post about getting jealous: