I admit it. I get jealous when I hear other writers have struck publishing deals, that their debut novels are gracing the bestseller lists, that they managed to get the killer agent I've been coveting. Yes, I get very, very jealous.
I'm happy for them, of course. It's confirmation that with a good novel, anything is possible. But inside my head, a little voice is bleating: why can't that be meeeeee?
Rationally, I know there are zillions of reasons why it isn't me. I haven't written the right novel yet; my story-crafting needs work. I do think that one day I will get my fiction published -- hopefully sooner rather than later. But that doesn't stop the monster gnawing away inside of me.
It's times like this that I think back to my days as a competitive sprinter. I used to run the 100m and 200m, and I could -- and would -- obsess for hours about 'being the best'. Once I was the best, I'd worry about who was up-and-coming, who might knock me off my number one position. And that was when my coach would remind me that worrying about other people is a waste of time. We can't control the actions of others. But we can control ourselves.
All I can do is write the best that I can, and let the chips fall where they may!
8 comments:
I'm always insanely jealous, too, especially when I see folks on Twitter writing about snagging an agent or their first book coming out! But I remember that someday that will be me, too, and I'll want others to feel happy for me.
And think of what you've already accomplished -- I have a copy of 24 Hours London in my bookcase right now! :) We'll get there!
Haha Marsha, who can't identify with this? Anyone who says they're not jealous is lying. When I finished my first novel, and had rejections from all the regional Utah publishers, I was so jealous that I could no longer frequent libraries or bookstores. Because these people all had books published, and I didn't.
and btw, there's probably lots of writers jealous of you at this moment!
Thanks, Meg and Karen! It's so nice to hear that I'm not the only jealous one! And I do feel really lucky (and happy!) to have my non-fiction published. I just really, really want to get my fiction published!
Fingers crossed for all of us still trying. I promise not to be jealous for either of you with your future successes (well, not tooooo jealous, anyway!)
Oh I thought I was the only one, battling that Green-Eyed Monster and I am not anyway near as accomplished as you. Green Eyes focused in your direction! LOL.
It is reassuring to know I am amongst such wonderful company.
I think it is the curse of being a writer-lol. I use it to keep motivated to work on craft and story. Welcome to the club and I know your fiction will be on shelves soon and we'll all be jealous of you. :)
I feel that twinge of envy sometimes, too. But seriously, you'll do it - keep writing! I'm sure your story will be fab.
(Oh, and I've just given you two blog awards over at my blog.)
Thanks for the encouragement, everyone! :)
Now I see that even when I land an agent, get a publishing contract, and get a book out, if it's not a best-seller, I'll still be aiming higher.
I wrote a post about getting jealous:
http://theresamilstein.blogspot.com/2009/10/envy.html
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