Monday, February 9, 2009

What Scares You More: Ducks or Geese?

If forced to commit, I’d say I feared geese more than ducks. Man, 47. Fears geese more than ducks.

Are you without a date for Valentine's Day? If so -- and you're looking for someone bog standard -- I don't recommend reading The London Review of Books Personals section.

I subscribed to The London Review of Books for over a year, but I never noticed it had a Personals section. I was only alerted to it today when a fellow blogger reviewed the London Review Cake Shop and mentioned it in her blog. After a quick perusal and a few laughs, the magazine has to have the quirkiest personals section I've ever seen.

A few examples:

I hate you all. I hate London. I hate books. I hate critics. I hate this magazine, I hate this column and I hate all the goons who appear in it. But if you have large breasts, are younger than 30 and don’t want to talk about the novel you’re ‘writing’ I’ll put all that aside for approximately two hours one Saturday afternoon in January. Man, 33.

My Weltanschauung informs me there are plenty of losers in this column but very few winners. It also tells me there is possibly one dentist and a smithy, neither of whom are me. I’m a lecturer in media studies. But if you are the dentist or smithy, or if you’re friends with either of them, why not write? M, 47. Mancs.

I refuse to let my sadomasochistic tendencies and love of koi define who I am, but if our relationship is to progress to any meaningful level then we will be spending an awful lot of time in the Japanese ornamental garden section of Worcester Homebase. Man, 46.

My door is always open. Mostly because I live in a barn. Farm-dwelling survivalist and rural hedge enthusiast. Man, 62.

If a break-up to you means spending most lunchtimes crying over chicken skewers at All Bar One then join me, big-boned F (37), and we can share a World Tapas bundle dish and save ourselves a fortune. Afterwards we can make love, but not before the chocolate fondant dessert. I can be found at the Henrietta Street branch, Wednesdays between 12 and 2, requesting fries with my hoi sin duck quesadilla.

4 comments:

Nancy J. Parra said...

HA! These are Fab-thanks for the laugh.

MikeTheWaiterDotCom said...

Very funny post ... I like the one about the guy who hates everything except women under 30 with large boobs! LOL
keep on trucking...

Gabriel Gadfly said...

I love the one about sadomasochistic tendencies and a love of koi.

Krista said...

Aren't these the best? When I'm feeling overly single, it's where I turn!

Must talk to you about your book. I've started writing one. I'm on page three!